It’s good to have a good work ethic. Right? Except when it isn’t. I had been off work for months and only recently returned. I have hurt my shoulder somehow. I don’t know how and I don’t know when. I do know that I push myself constantly. I grew up in a world that expected me to work hard. In fact, the highest compliment any employer could give was “she (or he) is a good worker”. All right then, that’s okay. The problem is I never learned in my youth the equally, and maybe the more important, need for self-care. My mother, may she rest in peace, modeled self-sacrifice and care of others, even to the detriment of her own health. A recipe for unhappiness, really, if I continue to practice it. But life is a harsh teacher sometimes.
Yes, I worked hard all my life, really. I don’t think there’s any who can honestly dispute that. So, this is honestly all on me. My doctor sent me back to work on modified duties. Okay, that’s fine in theory anyway. Problem is theory does not always work out in practice. I have hurt myself again. And in such a stupid way. It was just instinctual when books began to fall over on the shelf to reach out to stop them falling and push them back in place. Yeah, I said it was stupid. In my own defense, years of doing such simple acts kicked in, habit kicked in, instinct kicked in. And now I am kicking myself for the pain I have inadvertently caused. It’s been pain that never goes away and can bring tears to my eyes when it is particularly intense. It is pain that will not allow me a full night’s sleep.
I will see my doctor again in a few days. I have an MRI scheduled for February (covid has caused a backlog). I am hoping the MRI will tell my doctor and me what exactly is the problem with that shoulder. I am right-handed, so of course it would be the right shoulder and that is scary. I can ill afford to lose the use of my right arm. At any rate, consider this a warning. Self-care is important, very important, both in the work place and outside it. Work safe, play safe, take care of yourself, and please, stay healthy!