Dialysis Days and Covid-19


Dialysis days are always fraught with the unknown. He can come out of a treatment feeling just fine, but other days he’s weak and prone to dizziness. Some days his heart rate is fine and his blood pressure steady, other days not so much. Today was a dialysis day. It was not one of the “good” days. He’s resting now while I write. That’s good. He needs it.

One of the added stressors to going out for treatment is the fact that the unit is on the fourth floor of the local hospital. Hubby is one of the so-called vulnerable. His health is fragile and under normal conditions that’s challenging enough. Then along came a pandemic to add even more layers to an already precarious existence. Although neither of us spoke of it we were both anxious about him leaving the house at all, but dialysis is not something one can afford to miss. However, the added stress was allayed somewhat when the powers that be set up a coronavirus testing clinic across town and far from the hospital. In addition, nobody can enter the hospital without being questioned at the door. A hand sanitizer is ever present and the public are commanded to use it. There is no choice given. That has also made us both feel a bit better.

So far, we have been incredibly fortunate. According to the municipality there are only four confirmed cases of the dreaded covid-19 here in our fair city. I do have to give a shout out to the mayor and councilors for doing a stellar job. The city moved fast to make sure the pandemic didn’t get a foot hold here. I am glad they took the precautions they did. Yet, as we all know, the virus is a sneaky thing and can lay in wait in people who display not a single symptom, yet can infect others. The coming weeks and months will tell the tale. But, so far, so good. Here’s hoping for continued good fortune, even while I am heartsick at the stories coming out of major cities around the world. My thoughts and prayers are with them all, especially the most vulnerable whom I identify with most closely. God help us all.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop


“This expression alludes to a person awakened by a neighbor who loudly dropped one shoe on the floor and is waiting for the second shoe to be dropped. (Early 1900s)” – Dictionary.com

We have been waiting for it to happen; for the other shoe to drop. It was inevitable. We knew it. He would end up back on dialysis. It was merely a matter of time. Diabetes had ravaged his kidneys to such an extent that they were failing. Diabetes sucks. It really, truly does. So, here we are. So what? Life goes on and we will deal. You know I lie, right? I am endlessly the optimist and at the very same time a pragmatic realist. Mixed in there as well is the wisher and dreamer. The one with her head stuck in the sand. I swear I do have ostrich DNA in the mixture of my gene pool. I want to wave a magic wand and make it all go away even as the realist in me puts up sound arguments for acceptance. Even as I mourn the news we got yesterday.

However, like most things in life there was an up side. A spot had opened up here in town so there will be no lengthy stay in the big city. I am trying hard not to dwell on the downside of it all. Somebody died in order for hubby to have that spot. Why did the doctor have to tell us that? Why? I really could have done without that added bit of information. Aw, but there it is. I am truly grateful he will have a spot. Yet, I am saddened knowing a family somewhere here in town is grieving their loved one. That bit of information also put horrendous expectations in place again. Kidney disease – dialysis can only do so much. It cannot clean all toxins from the blood and so there will come a day when the other shoe will drop again. But until that time, I pray we will use the time given wisely and thankfully. Life truly is a gift. Please, Divine One, help me not dwell on morbid expectations and maudlin thoughts. Help me give thanks for this reprieve once again.

Cautiously Optimistic


We have past the one-month mark since my hubby’s surgery. If you follow this blog you already know that doctors had warned he could have a heart attack within thirty days of his surgery. I am happy to say that has not been the case

To add to that good news, his kidneys seem to have rebounded and though they are far from optimum they are at least pretty much back to where they were functioning prior to that awful gall bladder attack and subsequent major surgery. His kidney doctor has been keeping a close eye on him while he has kept him off dialysis to see how he does without it and so far, so good. We know that he will eventually end up on permanent dialysis – which we’d been told back in March would be the case when he was first placed on it. In fact, doctors told us at that time that it was highly unlikely that his kidneys would bounce back.

He is surprising his doctors and I couldn’t be happier about it! Still, we have to be cautiously optimistic as the issues with his heart, kidneys, and lungs remain. The damage caused by over twenty years of diabetes cannot be corrected. One day at a time, which is how we should live anyway, right? Nobody is guaranteed a future, but I am exceedingly grateful that whatever days remaining will not be spent on dialysis – at least not in the immediate future.

I sincerely thank all of you who have sent messages of support and for those who have prayed for both of us. May all your kindnesses return to you a thousand-fold.