So, you’ve read the title, therefore you are forewarned. Please, bear with me. I am sad and weary. I am my husband’s only care giver. He has a lot of various health issues. It’s hard sometimes. Sometimes I just feel so worn out by life. We just returned from the big city where we both had appointments with specialists. Pandemic restrictions were very much in evidence in the city. For one thing the hotel where we stayed is huge yet there were only ten cars in the parking lot, including ours. I know a bit part of my malaise is due to the long months of self-isolation due to hubby’s health. We simply could not risk much interaction with others. It gets very lonely. If you’re a care giver you will understand where I’m coming from. I just needed to get this outside myself, to lay it down and not carry it for a bit. I am usually a fairly upbeat and positive person, but today, today I am tired. So very tired.

46 thoughts on “Sad and weary

    1. Thank you so much, Sadje. I know I am far from alone and that others may be carrying far heavier burdens. But I cannot go there, I need to deal with my own heaviness so that I will be able to be there for hubby and for others. Hugs back. ❀

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  1. Thanks for sharing, Carol. Being a care giver is difficult in ordinary circumstances. The isolation due to the pandemic would definitely amplify your daily stress and anxieties. Here in Los Angeles we have a 24/7 Covid-19 mental health hotline. In the early months of the lock down, I found relief during an anxiety attack in calling the hotline. Do you have a similar program in your area?

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  2. I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through, Carol. Hang in there, my friend. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. ❀ Hugs, Maureen ❀

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  3. There is nothing so draining and isolating as being the sole caregiver – my heart goes out to you. PLEASE try as much as you might to take care of yourself because there is strong research evidence that caregivers’ immune systems become depressed and therefore become ill themselves.
    I will admit that I am, at times, aware of my own fear of my husband declining and having to become his caregiver.
    The combination of love, resentment, exhaustion, hope and fear that comes from becoming the caregiver is unimaginable.

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    1. I fear burn out more than anything. I know this will lift, it’s not my first go round but it’s tough to go through. He can be pretty negative which I know is a side effect of his various illnesses. It’s difficult trying to lift myself up while simultaneously trying to keep his spirits up. Sometimes I just want to run away. I know I have to get these feelings outside myself and though WordPress may not be the place I just had to release a bit of pressure. Sometimes writing it helps.

      Thank you so very much for your kindnesses.

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      1. Burn out comprises lots of underlying feelings. It’s often helpful to begin to identify the specific underlying feelings. Writing is really a good way – whether it’s public or private.

        P.S. A personal note: Maybe quit trying to lift up his spirits and just let it be? I know when I’m down because of my illness there is really nothing my husband can say or do and often it’s better when he just gives me a hug and says and does nothing. I see his frustration when he tries to “make it better” and I reject it.

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      2. Thanks so much. Judy? This is really helpful. Hubby can be pretty negative and I try to remind myself it’s not my job to fix him. I often forget and then get worn out. I do better when I remember that his feelings are his and out of my hands.

        Yes, journaling is my go-to when I feel overwhelmed. It does help. Having a few of my own health issues atm which is impacting my emotional/mental health. I am feeling a bit better now. Thanks again.

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  4. Oh Carol.. my heart aches for you. As if it isn’t hard enough..like you said..but then you add on this stupid pandemic and I can only imagine it’s profoundly draining. I remember when my mom’s husband started going downhill, she was still raring to ‘go and do’ and he just couldn’t muster up the strength.. friendships faded, social invitations dried up and it got super lonely as he slept almost all day. I didn’t realize that you can be lonely but not be alone until mom went through this period. She’d be sad and then mad and then feel ashamed and guilty.. such a tough situation. I can’t relate to your specific circumstance, but for sure I’ve been in the pit..the only thing that gets me through is listening to Christian podcasts and reading God’s word. When life gets this rough, only connecting to what is not of this earth gives me the perspective, courage and comfort to get through.

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      1. Are you guys still under quarantine or can you maybe go out one day with girlfriends for a day of shopping or lunch?

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      2. It is more of a self imposed quarantine. The numbers went crazy high and have come a fair bit but we are holding out for our 2nd vaccine, and even then we likely won’t be going out much. I cannot leave hubby alone for too long, even without the virus making us nervous. He has bouts with low blood pressure that causes him to fall. It hasn’t happened in a while but I don’t like to take the chance to go out for a day, but maybe lunch or even a coffee once we both have our 2nd shots.

        Thanks so much, Cindy.

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  5. Carol, I can identify with your feelings.
    For sure, we all have these emotions when caring for a loved one.

    I’ve been a caretaker too, as my husband has had heart surgery.
    Please know that I am thinking of you, and praying for you both. ⚘🌷

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I guess as we age our bodies begin to break down. That is what’s making life difficult atm. I am having a few issues of my own, which makes caring for hubby more challenging. We will persevere. I hope you have people to support and care for you, whatever life throws your way. I am so sorry about your wife. Sending heartfelt sympathies and the very best of wishes for strength and well being for you.

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  6. It’s hard enough dealing with someone’s physical illnesses. When you have to navigate and handle the person’s accompanying emotional & mental issues with no real outlet for your own self, it goes beyond what you can bravely shoulder. Carol, it makes me recall the many, many times when I have placed those same burdens on my loved ones. Excuses for my behaviour was just an example of how difficult it was for me to look beyond myself.

    I have since learned that being positive/negative/brave/difficult – all boils down to choice. Whether we are sick or healthy, we have a choice in the way we respond to life. I have some deeply negative people in my life and when it gets too much for me, I remind them that if they can summon the energy to be negative, they can harness the same will to be positive too – and if they can’t manage either, it’s best to stay quiet without poisoning the air for everyone else.

    It may sound harsh, but not when expressed lovingly yet firmly. That is tough love and tough love is good. It reminds us that as long as we have life in us, we can use it to sweeten life for others.

    Tender and loving caregivers don’t often need that reminder.
    But patients sometimes do.

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  7. It’s good, dear friend, to air those feelings and both refresh your self as well as share with others that they are not alone. Peg & I have been lucky in that the several times we have been caregivers we have had one another to help out, not having to do the whole job alone. And even in tandem we were worn to a frazzle. Without a pandemic. And without the isolation of remote living. Hang in there.

    It is important to remember, however, that you cannot draw water out of a dry well. As a caregiver you have to find SOME way of recharging your own batteries as your health and energy aren’t just yours, but also your dependent loved one’s.

    Faith helps, I found. As does a lot of prayer if you already have an active prayer life. I hesitate to say that because I know a bunch of Christians who sadly have a hard time feeling that their prayers ever get out of the room they are in, but that’s why I say, “faith helps”.

    As time goes on I wonder what our own situation will be in a few years. Peg has more problems with memory and we just go along and wait to see what lies in store.

    Take heart.

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  8. I’ve been meaning to send you a humungous hug since I read this when it first posted. The weariness is real and sometimes it doesn’t feel like much of a choice, like life is happening TO us and we have no control over any of it. Painful and difficult situations land in our laps, sometimes piling up until we can’t even see over the top, and we wonder all sorts of harmful nonsense, “What did I do to deserve this? How will I ever cope? Is it ever going to end?” Nothing. You will. Yes. Those are the answers we have to somehow believe. And some times it’s easier to do so than others. I hope that by the time you read this, things have shifted somewhat. My best wishes to you and hubby. I know this is hard.

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