Some sayings just lend themselves well: “a stitch in time saves nine” and the like. But other sayings make me cringe on a very deep level such as “suck it up, buttercup”. I mean, I get it. Constant complaining and whining is annoying. But I hate the way that particular saying is bandied about rather freely, often without regard to the other person’s feelings. I loathe it. I try not to complain, I really do. This is a warning that I am about to vent a little bit. Please, stop here and read no further if you are experiencing more than enough stress of your own at the moment. I sincerely do not want to add to your burdens. Okay, if you choose to read on, you’ve been warned.

Before I get to that, another saying I love is “every cloud has a silver lining”. I believe that. Good things can come from the worst of circumstances. I am trying to find that silver lining in the most recent hit. So, if you follow this blog you know that this year has been filled with challenges for my husband and I. He has had diabetes (type 2) for about twenty years. It has led to a lot of health issues: heart failure and kidney failure among them. Last spring, he had to have emergency gall bladder surgery – surgery that required anesthesia and kept him in hospital for about three months. During that time his kidneys failed and he had to go on dialysis. In the weeks following his surgery his kidneys bounced back enough so that he no longer needed it. My how we rejoiced.

Unfortunately, his kidneys have worsened once again and we are now waiting for a spot in the dialysis unit to open up so he can receive this much needed help. I guess the silver lining is that dialysis exists to do the job his kidneys can no longer do. I am trying not to worry. I am praying that he can get back into the dialysis unit here in town – the alternative is having him do it in Edmonton which is a five-hour drive away. I am hoping his kidneys continue to function until that spot becomes available. It is scary. I am doing my best to have faith; to trust in the will of the Creator. Most of the time I can and do find strength in my faith, but I am feeling weak today. So, forgive me if I cannot “suck it up”. I am doing my level best not to get sucked into the black vortex of worry and despair. Hopefully I will have something more positive to share when next I visit WordPress. Right now, I am just sad and tired. I will bounce back. I will. And I will find more silver than cloud in this present challenge.

24 thoughts on “Searching for the Silver Lining (again)

  1. Dear Carol, if anyone is telling you to suck it up you just send me their name and number and I will give them a piece of my mind (a.k.a. A proper tongue-lashing). You and your husband have been through so much, and deserve a massive dose of compassion. Of course you’re scared, especially if all you literally can do is wait. There is nothing worse than being at the mercy of circumstances over which you have no control. Sometimes we are, in fact, powerless. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Your feelings are so normal under the circumstances, and you know me! I’m a big proponent of surrendering to the feelings, as uncomfortable as they may be. Fear, frustration, fatigue…it’s all real. I’m sitting next to you with my arm around your shoulders. No “sucking it up.” Have yourself a good cry. I see you.

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    1. Aw, Celenia, you are such an empathetic soul. Thank you so much for this – some days are harder than other. It helps to write it out, to get it outside of me. I am just terrified that his kidneys weill reach a point where he cannot wait any longer and has to be flown to Edmonton again. I really try not to go there because I do believe that worry can become a self fulfilling prophesy so to speak. What we put out there in the universe can come back to bite us in the ass. So, I am trying to stay positive even while I accept the situation as it is. Tears would be a welcome release, but I do not cry easily. Oh, and no one has told me to suck it up. But I have heard people say it in situations where the other person needs support not a freaking lecture. Nope, if somebody were to say that to me I’d be so pissed I know I’d respond with a bit of well known cuss words beginning with the “f” word. LOL
      Thank you again, Celenia, you really are so comforting and it is much appreciated, especially knowing your plate has been so full for so long. I thought of you often during the wildfires raging through California. I hope all is well in your world. God bless you.

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  2. Life is always challenging our ability to overcome the worst obstacles placed in front of us. I often ask WHY? To get thru requires strength, courage, and the will to survive, I have followed your blog for a while and I believe you are someone who doesn’t stop trying. Keep pushing thru the obstacles you are faced with in life; strength & perseverance are very obvious characteristics that I see in your writing. Keep pushing thru, you got this!

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    1. You have been through an awful lot yourself, so I am doubly grateful for your kind words. This week found me with a lot of sleepless nights, which in turn impacts my thoughts and emotions. I am better today, although that particular cloud is still hovering. Thanks so very much.

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