Many years ago, my father had a massive heart attack. It would be followed over the years by many more as well as angina attacks. My siblings and I were all braced to meet his final demise. We were all sure that we would lose him first. Then life threw us a curve ball – as it is wont to do. Seven years after my Dad’s massive heart attack we learned my mother had cancer. She was a diabetic and had been admitted to hospital to learn how to take insulin by injection. When they did the blood tests, they found the cancer. She died ten days after she was admitted. Dad died four years later.

Two years ago, my brother was killed instantly when his vehicle was hit by a drunk driver. He would join his infant daughter on the other side of the veil. In 2012 we lost two of our nephews – one to cancer and his older brother six months before that to a brain aneurism. There have been a lot of deaths in our family. Now, we are all growing older and facing the one certitude in life: one day we will all die. It is life’s one and only guarantee.

Life is hard at times. My husband is in hospital once again. If you follow this blog you will know he is in poor health – a diabetic with heart and kidney disease. We recently were told he also has lung disease. It is one more hurdle to face. Another challenge to meet. Once again, I am grieving the day he will no longer be at my side. But, as my parents’ deaths taught me, we do not have any guarantees in life. What my husband’s arduous journey has taught me is to live life one day at a time and to be grateful for all its small blessings.

Life is so precious and so fragile. I am grieving my husband’s failing health and all it may mean. I pray I will be given the strength to help him and the wisdom to know how best to do so. And I pray I will recognize the blessings that come my way each and every day. And I will celebrate the life we have, as limited as it may be. I will celebrate the love I have known. I weep, but I also give praise with open hands to the Creator who is teaching me and helping me learn the lessons that come with each curve ball.

34 thoughts on “Life’s curve balls – about grief

  1. Oh Carol. You’ve been through so much already. If I were you I’d probably feel entitled to a freakin’ break. But that isn’t how it works, is it? And I can’t begin to tell you why. You seem blessed with some inner fortitude to get you through. And I am grateful you are writing about this so we can all be reminded that even in the face of exhausting loss and the promise of even more, there is always some sort of flotation device out there that keeps our own heads above water. Throwing you a rope, my dear, if or when you need it.

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    1. Thank you, Celenia, sincere and heartfelt thanks for this as I know that you have been through so much as well. It helps to write it out. I hope it may help others in some way to know you can go on. After all, what choice do we have. It is my hope that I will develop stronger empathy and compassion through it all. You have thrown me a lifeline many, many times. Just to know I am not alone in facing hardships helps. You are a blessing in a hurting world and I thank God for the day I chanced upon your blog. Wishing you so many blessings, and much love. I was feeling weak but your words comfort and strengthen me. Thank you.

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  2. Dear Carol, this is not an easy road to travel. I have lost dear, dear family member to cancer, months and dates remembered with anguish, now too, as i am with you, my heart is sore. Sometimes no matter how hard people try to reassure us, its the private moments of remembered and anticipated grief that eviscerates. Please know that you are not alone. I send warm regards and pray strength for you. 🤗

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      1. Its been tough Carol, i wont lie. When i think, it should be smoother, there are more curveballs… You know that feeling.
        Reaching out, knowing that we are kindred spirits despite the geography, helps. Prayer helps, faith and having hope. My spirited friend always reminds me that God would not give us more than we can handle.

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  3. Know that your always in my prayers. So many of us are facing. the same or similar challenges, if not worse. Prayers, Heaven’s messages, miracles and faith in Christ’s coming, is so faith nourishing. I realize that this life is a journey of faith. Until Christ’s return and the resurrection of our loved ones, we have to be faith all we’ve got. Super Hugs to you, Carol!

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  4. Carol, you have been through so much grief. I’m really sorry that you are going through such painful times again and again.
    Wishing you and your husband many more of those little moments of happiness, and lots of strength. I hope you can hold on to that light you have inside you and the sunny smile you share with the world.

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  5. You are an absolute pillar of strength and wisdom. Thank you for sharing of your intimate experience with family loss and for reminding each of us to be more mindful (and most importantly grateful), for the precious time we have to love and enjoy one another. Sending you heartfelt love and light and my prayers that the lord might strengthen your husband in his time of need and grant you the grace, compassion, patience and strength to continue to be such an awesome caregiver. Blessings to you always my friend! 🙏🏾😘

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    1. Thanks so much Nefertari, your words are such a source of comfort and I appreciate your kindness. We all have our challenges and our crosses to bear – may the Creator give us all strength to bear them graciously….wishing you many blessings as well.

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  6. Carol, I, too, have lost many loved ones to death, including my youngest sister Carol. So, I empathize. I know loss in many other ways, too, so I am very well acquainted with grief and loss in those areas, too. So, again, I empathize. I feel your pain and suffering.

    What has gotten me through it all is my faith in Jesus Christ. I believe he has a purpose for everything he allows in my life and that he is working through these trials for my good. So, I trust him, I rest in him, and I believe in his goodness. I don’t understand it all, but I yield to God’s will and purposes, and I pray I will be used of God to minister his love and grace to others.

    I see that you believe in God, so I pray you know his love and grace surrounding you as you go forward and face the days that are yet to come.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Faith in the Divine – by whatever name you call it – lifts me up, inspires me, protects me from anxiety, and grants me the strength and courage to carry on.

      Thank you so much for your kind words of support. Wishing you so many blessings.

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  7. This post has left me speechless. I am so sorry for your loss. I faced one huge loss (that of my father) a couple of months ago and that alone left me devastated. But you’ve seen so much more and I can’t even imagine the pain. Thank you for sharing this with us as it reminded me not to take anything for granted and take things one day at a time. Wishing you more strength and lots of prayers for your husband’s recovery.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much, this means a lot. I have found strength I didn’t know I had, faith in the Creator helps enormously. I am so very sorry for your loss. Wishing you the blessings of comfort, of peace, and courage to wrestle with the beast called grief.

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  8. You are so right dear heart, about no guarantees in life, and how we can be here one day and gone to the other side of the veil the next.
    You have experienced such loss! I grieve with you. I hope life turns each tear into a seed for future growth and joy.
    Many blessings in ALL ways.
    ❤️🦋🌀

    Liked by 1 person

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