Written by Carol Hopkins pHOTO BY aNASTACIA hOPKINS 

One more time

I am given a glimpse

Of the pain that lies in store

One more rehearsal

Of when you may be here no more

Mourning comes

At the mere thought

Tears, wet and hot

Stream down my face

I am not ready for you to leave this place

To keep a positive frame of mind

Seems impossible

And yet

And yet

I have found

That when I release all fears

And trust in the divine

I know I will find comfort

And peace

Sweet peace

And ferocious courage

To go on


19 thoughts on “Rehearsals

    1. My husband is a diabetic and on the cusp of needing dialysis. He has had so many health issues and with each challenge comes the question, “Is this it? Will I lose him this time?” It’s very stressful – writing it out helps – sorry for the mystery…yeah it’s about facing death…not a fun topic, I know.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I am sorry. I don’t mean to shock or frighten. We have been on this roller coaster for several years now. His health deteriorates and then he bounces back. The thing is there are no guarantees he will bounce back. Unfortunately life does not give guarantees. Thank you for your prayers. Forgive my bluntness…I am trying to deal with this newest challenge…

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Diabetes is cruel, an all day everyday challenge. It is unlike acute conditions where the soul is tested and may return to normalcy, refreshed. It becomes the long common-day, so that many around the afflicted and the caregivers often forget to care. Your readers care, Carol. Thanks for sharing with us.


  2. You beautifully express anticipatory grief. The loved one still lives and breathes, but there is an obvious decline in health, a slow march towards the inevitable. In the meantime, we hold our breath, we pray, we pray A LOT, we give thanks for each minute we still get to share, we worry about the suffering and pain of our loved one, we imagine their fear is greater than our own, we reluctantly accept our inability to reverse the course of the illness. We witness. We witness the life of our loved one. We await the moment of witnessing the end. Living can be hard. Dying (it turns out) is actually harder. Facing this with even an inkling of dignity and grace – that’s the very definition of courage.

    Liked by 1 person

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